The dictionary definition of the word is “Home” is “A place where one lives; a residence”. Since moving to Scotland nearly year ago I have always spoken about Dublin still being home. It’s that weird in between stage where I didn’t feel like I was settled in Scotland and that Dublin would always be my home. I remember having a conversation with a friend before I moved and telling her that I would always consider Dublin home and that I would always want to come back to my homeland as often as possible. At the time she told I was talking rubbish and that after a while Dublin would feel alien to me and that I would not want to go back at all. I was devastated. This could not happen could it?
It did. It hit me like a ton of bricks on a recent trip back to Dublin. One of my very favourite people and talented musician Luke Clerkin was playing his first headline gig (another blog dedicated to him coming soon!) so my lovely fiancée organised a trip back to see the gig and have a few days in Dublin.
So I arranged flights, got Toby into a foster family for a few days and off we went to Dublin. We arrived on Tuesday and stayed until Saturday. During that time we saw some of my family, saw the gig, had a day in the hotel chilling out watching Netflix and then came home.
If I am going to completely honest with you all, I wanted to go home by Thursday. It probably didn’t help that everything that could go wrong, did go wrong from my bag breaking and having to buy a new one to broken lights in the hotel room and Don’s card not working at one point, but deep down I think even without all the mini disasters I still would have been feeling the same.
For me, Dublin has never felt like home. I lived in the city for 31 years and still it did not ever feel like “home”. But what does that feel like? I can only assume somewhere you fit in, somewhere where you have a social circle and lots of things to occupy yourself with. I did not have any of that in Dublin. Yes, I had friends but I very rarely went out on a night out. The most social interaction I had happened when I ran my comedy website. And this I can do in Scotland….
When I went back to Dublin in January I felt a little bit like I do now but not to same extent. I think I have unbeknownst to myself…..settled in Scotland. I feel like this is home. Even though I still have not done anything, I mean actually nothing since I moved. All I have done is work and got that end of things sorted since moving but I think that’s what I needed to do to make myself feel settled and secure. I have managed to do so much more work wise here than I ever did back home. I run a unit in a care home here for goodness sake! Could never see me being able to do that back in Dublin.
Now though, I think it is time to start making a life for myself. I have started this blog for one, I contacted the radio station Don does his show with to ask if I can talk to them about doing a show. Because one of things I realised when I was leaving Dublin on Saturday was that the things I miss about Dublin are the things that I can easily set up for myself here.
I am not for one moment saying I don’t like Dublin, at the end of the day most of my family still live there so I will obviously be going back but for right now I don’t have that big desire to go back to feel settled and included. I feel that right here in Scotland and that makes me very happy.
Dublin will always be the city I was born in, but Scotland is now my home.